Baby Bumps: From Party Girl to Proud Mama, and all the Messy Milestones Along the Way

The maximum factor Nicole Polizzi, aka “Snooki,” ever did used to be by chance. yet her son, Lorenzo, was once by no means a mistake. while she and her boyfriend, Jionni, figured out she was once knocked up, they weren’t married or engaged. She was once merely twenty-four and dwelling along with her parents—and she had 0 child adventure. With a reckless, celebration lady television personality to house, she had much to benefit and detect in turning into a mother.
In this humorous and frank booklet, Nicole stocks her reports, every thing from the 1st sonogram to the nipple-cracking surprise of breastfeeding. In each one bankruptcy, she tells the unvarnished fact approximately being pregnant signs (“The excessive cost of Gas”), the ridiculousness of her child registry (“Butt Paste and Boogie Wipes”) and the lowdown on postpartum lifestyles (“Shit Happens”). There’s a ton of invaluable info, together with an inventory of must-have child items, MILF sort tips, tips to maintain “I’m a whale” preggers undesirable physique photograph in money, and the way she acquired into the easiest form of her existence inside of six months of giving start. even supposing Nicole needed to quit partying, she’s embracing motherhood the one manner she understands how: with a fun-loving attitude—and plenty of leopard print!

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Pickles. The foodstuff pregnant ladies are meant to lust for, my favourite foodstuff of all time, without warning made me ailing. being pregnant became loves into hates, and hates into loves. It was once simply an upside-down global. If i assumed approximately mourning my pickle love, I’d need to run to the rest room to dry heave. back, horny! absolutely the worst half, notwithstanding, used to be fuel. It felt like an individual caught an air pump into my navel and inflated my bowels like an air bed. An alien was once becoming in my stomach and may later emerge complete from my vagina. wonderful. I authorized that. Why this procedure produced a lot fuel, i'll by no means comprehend. i used to be fearful of getting being pregnant hemorrhoids, which I heard used to be a destiny worse than loss of life. Sitting down with a golfing ball shoved up my ass might supply new intending to the word “rhoid rage. ” it seems that, hemorrhoids grew from pushing too difficult while pooping. to prevent that, i'd camp out at the bathroom and simply watch for the shit to slip out with out bearing down. Yeah, it took some time. And contemplating how a lot i used to be consuming, there has been loads of ready concerned. and many farting. I by no means pressured my farts out, both. If whatever, I suppressed them on digicam and at any time when i used to be with Jionni. name me quaint (I dare you), yet I don’t imagine it’s horny to fart the alphabet in entrance of my fiancé. My gasoline reduction wishes additionally despatched me operating for the lavatory, besides peeing, and dry heaving, and the shits. whilst pregnant, girls, you'll get to understand each inch of your toilet in detail. each water stain at the ceiling. each crack within the paint. The order of the bottles covered up at the shelf. i'll draw an image of that firehouse toilet from reminiscence, however it may possibly provide me nightmares. This used to be my existence. I wallowed at the rest room or the sofa, feeling like Pizza the Hut, desperately lacking Jionni—and stone chilly sober. i actually used to be at a brink whilst Jenni urged we get a transformation in surroundings and head right down to Cancun, Mexico, in March. My outdated buddy Ryder and one other lady have been going to return alongside. I agreed to move at the journey with combined emotions. it's going to take me even farther clear of Jionni. And what used to be the purpose of going to Mexico with out tequila? nonetheless, getting out of freezing New Jersey and clear of that freakin’ bathroom—and right into a fresh bathroom—seemed like a good suggestion. I forgot that it used to be Spring holiday. at the airplane down, i spotted, Holy crap, 1000000 university women in tiny bikinis are going to be crawling all around the seashore like sand crabs whereas I flop round like a whale. From the minute I stepped off the aircraft, I knew it used to be a mistake. Jenni and Ryder desired to hit the seashore very first thing. They tied on string bikinis. I wear my fat-lady caftan. It was once a beautiful caftan, red and floral. ideal for the seashore. yet I didn’t suppose cozy taking it off with all these horny our bodies round me. My associates ordered margaritas. I obtained a seltzer with lime. They desired to hit up hotties. i used to be engaged and pregnant, aka, the other of DTF. They have been slurping away on margaritas, guffawing, and appearing loopy.

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