The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant

By Drew Hayes

A few individuals are born uninteresting. a few reside uninteresting. a few even die uninteresting. Fred controlled to do all 3, and whilst he awakened as a vampire, he did in order a run of the mill one. Timid, socially awkward, and suffering from vainness concerns, Fred hasn't ever been the adventurous kind. One fateful evening - diversified from the evening he died, which used to be extra inconvenient than fateful - Fred reconnects with an previous good friend at his highschool reunion. This rekindled courting units off a sequence of occasions thrusting him correct into the chaos that's the parahuman international, an international with chipper zombies, truck driving force wereponies, maniacal necromancers, old dragons, and now one undead accountant attempting his most sensible to "survive." simply because even after it truly is over, lifestyles can nonetheless be a downright bloody mess.

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You're . . . an accountant? ” Morgan requested. “Um, definite. I run my very own enterprise out of my residence, and that i do lovely reliable work,” I acknowledged. “Do you know the way tricky it's to discover a parahuman that's either able and keen to stability books? ” Morgan requested me back. “I’m convinced there are many people who're completely happy for the work,” I stated. “Humans, bah! ” Morgan stated. “Due to secrecy agreements in our treaties, we will be able to by no means divulge to them what we're, so any expenditures incurred that relate to our nature needs to be hidden from them, forcing us to do the paintings ourselves. ” “So, if you happen to received Fred, you wouldn’t need to do this anymore,” Albert acknowledged. “You could eventually have a parahuman who may well all the numbers give you the results you want. ” “Indeed,” Morgan stated. “May I ask your complete identify, vampire? ” “Fredrick Frankford Fletcher. ” “Well, Mr. Fletcher, in mild of your career, i'm going to admit that I do locate this guess to be enticing,” Morgan stated. “It is authorized; besides the fact that, our champion is presently out of the on line casino this night. might you be keen to attend till the next day to come morning to have your fit? ” “How are they out of the on line casino? ” I requested. “Krystal simply had her fit. ” Morgan chuckled. “Mr. Fletcher, Enforcer Jenkins had a fit with me, which used to be a video game of chess. it's the trial used for ladies, because they aren't powerful sufficient to suffer a man’s trial. As a guy, you are going to in fact be doing conflict in our conventional shape. ” Krystal had warned me they have been caught some time past. “Wait, so I won’t be taking part in chess? ” I’d been whatever of a chess champion in my adolescence, and that i nonetheless performed on-line to maintain my brain clean. I have been definite i'll deal with something a few dracoling may perhaps throw at me at the checked battlefield. If that wasn’t the competition, although, my self assurance was once a bit reduce. And through “somewhat,” I suggest “extremely. ” “You will do conflict with our champion within the demeanour of the single real adversaries that our dragon ancestors ever confronted. Of all of the menaces within the land, in simple terms knights carried out themselves with the consideration, energy, and resolution that allowed our ancestors to recognize them as invaluable warrior fighters. As such, for the reason that we dracolings can't do conflict within the method of the dragons, our trial is the one who the knights themselves used,” Morgan stated. “Okay, so in order that we’re all at the comparable web page right here, what did I simply subscribe to? ” I requested. “At the following day morning you can be scuffling with our champion in a joust,” Morgan acknowledged. “You can have entry to our stables and kit till then to arrange as wanted. you furthermore may may possibly use any steed at the premises, with in fact the exception of the gray mare that our champion rides. Be within the stables at seven sharp able to compete. ” “What approximately Krystal? will we get to maintain her in escrow? ” “You haven't any extra impartial events to entrust her to. All of you're keen on this wager,” Morgan stated. “Therefore, she's going to remain at my on line casino lower than my attendant’s watchful eye. given that Mr. Emerson’s debt continues to be in query, our prior contract to escrow continues to be legitimate, and he may well stick with you.

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