Two Kisses for Maddy: A Memoir of Loss & Love

By Matt Logelin

Matt and Liz Logelin have been highschool sweethearts. After years of long-distance relationship, the pair ultimately settled jointly in la, they usually had all of it: an ideal marriage, a stunning new domestic, and a child woman at the approach. Liz's being pregnant used to be rocky, yet they welcomed Madeline, appealing and fit, into the realm on March 24, 2008.

Just twenty-seven hours later, Liz suffered a pulmonary embolism and died immediately, with no ever preserving the daughter whose arrival she had so eagerly awaited. even though faced with devastating grief and the obligations of a brand new and unmarried father, Matt didn't give up to devastation; he selected to maintain relocating forward-- to make a lifestyles for Maddy.

In this memoir, Matt stocks bittersweet and infrequently funny anecdotes of his courtship and marriage to Liz; of hoping on his baby daughter for the aid that she unknowingly supplied; and of the intense on-line group of strangers who've develop into his neighbors. In honoring Liz's legacy, heartache has turn into solace.

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We have been all striking out, and abruptly I observed a few sketchy dude peering into Liz’s automobile out entrance. He used to be strolling round it, attempting to open the doorways, and kicking the tires. I walked outdoor, and stated, “Can I assist you? ” friendly phrases, competitive tone. This man smiled again at me, absolutely innocuous, and stated, “Is this vehicle on the market? ” i used to be burdened. I didn’t count on these phrases from his mouth. and that i definitely didn’t have a solution ready. I form of felt like an asshole—I got here at him like a guy whose automobile used to be approximately to be stolen, and he couldn’t were nicer. ultimately a few phrases got here to me. “I’m now not sure,” I acknowledged, attempting to disguise my fluster. “I don’t imagine so. I suggest, might be. ” now not articulate, yet phrases still. “I’ll provide you with thousand money. funds. ” I took his quantity and went again inside of. i used to be nonetheless harassed. i actually hadn’t deliberate to promote Liz’s vehicle, possibly ever, yet i used to be making plans to dispose of mine. actually, I were to the dealership with Tom that very morning. Bending over to place Madeline into my little outdated Honda Accord used to be commencing to harm my back—it used to be time to suck it up and get a “dad automobile. ” I felt so fucking previous. whilst I instructed Candee and Tom that someone desired to purchase the automobile, I spun it love it used to be a poor suggestion, like there has been no manner i'd promote it—no cause to. “Really? ” acknowledged Tom. “What else are you going to do with it? Are you going to force it? ” “No,” I stated. “Wouldn’t it aid pay to your new automobile? ” requested Candee. “That you would like for Maddy? ” “Well, yes,” I acknowledged. yet I didn’t be aware of if i'll quite do it. Fuck, i presumed. probably I should still preserve it for Madeline or whatever, in order that she will be able to force her mom’s automobile whilst she’s eventually the right age to get her driver’s license. whilst I stated this out loud, the recommendation was once met with uproarious laughter. good, ok then. up to i needed to hold directly to this relic of Liz’s, I knew that the auto was once no longer serving a lot function past appearing as a scenic obstruction to my entrance backyard. I’d basically used it again in July while my automobile was once within the store. That have been fucking lousy. Maddy and that i have been on our long ago from a playgroup and have been riding down the highway while somebody smashed into us, inflicting my motor vehicle to fully spin out. We wound up dealing with ahead, and fortunately we weren’t hit by means of any oncoming site visitors. the opposite motive force sped off. My automobile was once a large number, yet we have been ok, and that i known as the police officers so i'll receive a police document for coverage reasons. once they got here, one in all them acknowledged, “Why didn’t you stick with the girl who hit you? ” “Excuse me? ” The officer repeated her query, and that i simply couldn’t think it. With a toddler in my again seat? Who am I, Steve McQueen? Admittedly, many years past, i might have performed precisely that—stepped at the gasoline and chased that fucker down. yet now, my kid’s safeguard used to be extra very important than being a vigilante. After I dropped off my beat-up sedan for fix a number of days later, i made a decision to stroll again to the home with Maddy. It used to be shut sufficient and nobody was once round to offer us a journey. I didn’t imagine it was once worthy getting a apartment vehicle, due to the fact that I didn’t actually need to depart the home.

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